The Informed Nonsense of Johnny Zito

Bad news, everyone; I’ve been involuntarily conscripted into the Astronaut program.

3 chain smoking men in thin black ties and horn rimmed glasses kidnapped me right out of my bed last night.  I remember being woozy and unable to fight back.  It’s highly possible I was drugged by a family member or pet.

When I awoke I was strapped to the nozzle of a rocket aimed for the far side of the sun.  I thought it pointless to plead for my release and passed the time until lift off by taking full advantage of my urine proof space suit. 

Upon landing on the far side of the sun I was surprised to learn of its temperate climate and quaint bed and breakfasts.  Me and a few other celestial tourists are going to take a bike tour of the southern vineyards tomorrow. 

I had hoped to bring you all back collectors’ tea spoons from one of the sun’s many gift shops.  But I’m afraid the American Dollar is even weaker out here than NASA scientists had anticipated. As it stands now I barely have enough money to spend on space strippers.

I’m told I can return as soon as a craft is constructed to pick me up.  But I met some guys with a van and they look pretty honest so I might just get a lift from them. 

I must be going; the free lunch buffet ends at 4 and then there’s a mixer I need to wash up for.  We should do something when I get back.

-Astronaut Johnny Zito