Johnny Zitowriter / producer / futurist

I love TV and books.  Sometimes I mash them up on Twitter.  Which I also love.

“Boyd; the Digital Boy” Isaac Asimov examines a computer program that downloads into a real child and runs away from home #TVbyNovelists

“Citizen Goode” W.E.B. Du Bois’ HBO miniseries about Philadelphia’s first black Mayor; focusing on his violent term in office #TVbyNovelists

“Gypsy Fables” JK Rowling’s Twin Sisters weave a secret fairy tale to escape from poverty in the frozen, Michigan wasteland #TVbyNovelists

“Murder Inc” Truman Capote’s hospital drama about a well-paid hatchet man for an insurance co and his sudden organ failure #TVbyNovelists

“Closed Circuit PD” Ray Bradbury’s panopticon procedural about cops solving crime in a misleading world of endless recordings #TVbyNovelists

“Lost Signal” Tennessee Williams’ character study of a cell phone salesman & his mad schemes to control everyone in his life #TVbyNovelists

“future me,” EE Cummings story of a man who receives letters from his 9 year old self that inspire him to finally become a writer #TVbyNovelists

“Anywhere Engine” Carl Sagan’s ensemble about engineers of a machine that moves in time/space and accidentally erases them from history #TVbyNovelists

Imaginary TV shows I dreamed up in the vein of 20th century-ish novelists.  Join in on twitter with #TVbyNovelists – We’ll retweet you!

“Billion Year Bandit” H.G. Wells’ time traveling thief steals priceless art from history and sells it in the distant future #TVbyNovelists

“Cupid Jones” G. B. Shaw’s FOX cartoon about the outrageous sex life of a rich, immature bachelor looking for his true love #TVbyNovelists

“Anchorage” Jack London’s frontier, legal drama about a prosecutor who frames a potentially innocent man for murder #TVbyNovelists

“Scotland Attic” Arthur Conan Doyle’s sci-fi procedural about steampunk detectives, Abigale & Ernest, hunting monsters for the Queen #TVbyNovelists

“Drama of Dreams” L.F. Baum’s traveling sideshow use smoke and mirrors to rob banks and spread hope in depression era Kansas #TVbyNovelists

“Daddy” Upton Sinclair introduces us to a man who must secretly return to performing in gay porn to support his wife and kids #TVbyNovelists

“Alter Boys” Kafka’s teen drama about catholic school kids given god-like mental powers and how it mangles their friendships #TVbyNovelists

“Source” Joseph Conrad’s prime-time soap about 1940’s gossip mongers for a trashy celebrity tabloid and the dirty secrets they keep #TVbyNovelists

“Super Ali” Rudy Kipling’s spy show about a Pakistani Scientist forced to create super-soldiers for the American Empire #TVbyNovelists

This is my new favorite thing to do on Twitter; elevator pitches in the style of 20th century authors:

“Dot Com” Tom Wolfe’s period piece about the love lives of 20 year old millionares before the Web bubble burst #TVbyNovelists

“The Kane Party” J.R.R. Tolkien’s 1843 western about a caravan of Irish immigrants on the Oregon trail #TVbyNovelists

“The Partners” Frank Herbert’s crime thriller about a lawyer who must work for the mob when he inherits his father’s firm #TVbyNovelists

“Drive” Jack Kerouac’s hour long drama about a Cabbie driving cross country in his yellow taxi, solving people’s problems #TVbyNovelists

“Machine World” Harper Lee’s coming of age story about a girl growing up fast when her father goes to prison for embezzlement #TVbyNovelists

“The Round Room” Joseph Heller’s political thriller about a man elected to President of the US who cracks under the pressure #TVbyNovelists

“Jupiter Project” L. Ron Hubbard’s sci-fi mystery about a satellite that begins receiving messages from the future #TVbyNovelists

“Zombie” Albert Camus’ medical show about a brilliant physician who loses his job to drugs and becomes a back alley doctor #TVbyNovelists

“The Cola Barons” John Steinbeck’s day time soap opera about The greedy and fabulous heirs of a soft drink empire #TVbyNovelists

“Bliss” Philip Roth’s FX series about a runaway bride addicted to weddings and her fresh start in 1960’s Las Vegas. #TVbyNoelists

“Channel 1″ George Orwell’s sitcom about the staff and the spin of a 24 Hour cable news network #TVbyNovelists

“The Dream Box” Ayn Rand’s high concept drama about a woman who wakes up as a different person in a new body every day #TVbyNovelists

“Two Wrongs” Mark Twain’s slow and poignant procedural about a Con Man and the US Marshall out to catch him #TVbyNovelists

“The Boy’s League” F. Scott Fitzgerald’s teen drama about feuding prep schools in 1920’s Manhattan #TVbyNovelists

Alan Moore’s “League of Extraordinary Gentlemen” inspired this homage. However, instead of literary classics I use 90’s American Television as my launch pad.

Read Part 1 HERE.

Nikita drives through the midnight desert alone.

The weight of her mission hangs heavy on her shoulders. A killer is on the loose. Her orders are clear. Her mind is clouded.

Suddenly something appears on the road; a blur on the horizon, small and red. A goat? A man?

The experienced spy jerks the wheel to avoid collision. The car slides into a tail spin and flips end over end until the steel body is a tangled wreck.

“Help!” Nikita screams but there’s no answer, “Help! I’m trapped!” Nikita discovers she is bleeding out from a gaping belly wound. “No…”

She struggles to climb from her twisted cage but the darkness takes her.

Nikita’s eyes flutter shut.

Continue reading →

Warning: Short Fiction Ahead.

I think; some people get stuck in a past that never happened.

The ‘dot com’ I started with my student loan went bust in 1999. I sunk a lot of money into a Super Bowl commercial. Unfortunately the audience for online book auctions just wasn’t watching prime time football.

The investment didn’t yield conversion. I was bankrupt.

With no money for a going-out-of-business-party we ended up at The Bean Traders on 7^th. I didn’t want to go home but no one wanted to hang out with the woman who just ruined their life. I apologized a lot.

The party thinned out quickly.

Frank, this nebbish programmer I had ignored since hiring, kept me company. He was blah-blahing about hindsight and the edit/undo option when they kicked us out.

I pretended to live in his direction. When we got to his apartment I invited myself up for sex.

Continue reading →

Alan Moore’s League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Black Dossier inspired this homage. However, instead of literary classics I use 90’s American Television as my launch pad.

Nikita’s fingers shuffle down a row of dusty book spines. Finally, she snatches up a thick tome. It’s binding cracks open like arthritic knuckles and reveals pages of foreign script.

How such a valuable book ended up hidden in a high school library is of immediate interest to the Special Agent.

“Where did you get this?” Nikita emerges from the stacks barking at her hostage.

“PTA Donations.” The British librarian deadpans.

Nikita cracks him across the jaw with the ancient book. “You’re lying. Who are you?” But it’s no use – he’s passed out.

With the priceless text in hand Nikita steals a Porsche from the student lot and speeds East, towards the desert, away from Sunnydale, California.

Continue reading →

Aquaman never fails to disappoint.

So, picking up the gauntlet thrown down at Lurking Rhythmically, I now present to you Aquaman as written by Arron Sorkin.

(The continuity is loose and fast like the dialogue)

ACT II

EXT./EST. The Atlantean Capital Building – Day

Senators, lawmakers, lawyers and lobbyists, representing hundreds of species of evolved sea life, mull about the capital steps and busy forum.

INT. Capital Building Corridor – Cont

Garth swims along, Lorena catches up to him.

Lorena
I need a copy of the Nemo Act.

Garth
Try the library of Arion.

Lorena
Let’s pretend that I don’t know what that is.

We follow them into:

INT. lobby – Cont

Garth
What do you need with a 200-year-old border settlement?

Lorena
Sub-Diego City Council thinks it might clear up some–

Garth
Can I ask you a question?

Lorena
I haven’t finished answering the last one.

Garth
You heard about the Ocean Master thing?

Garth and Lorena continue into:

INT. Senate Chamber – Cont

The underwater environment allows for three-dimensional travel through space. Garth and Lorena enter through the top tier, the Senate is not currently in session and the hall is empty bellow them.

Lorena
He’s the King’s brother.

Garth
I know.

Lorena
If the World Court decides –

Garth
Yea.

They stop moving, hanging motionless in the water.

Topo enters on a lower tier, speeding back the way they came.

Topo
Vulko’s office.

Garth
What?

Topo
It’s happening.

INT. Vulko’s Office – Moments Later

Lori Lemaris floats by the window looking over the Forum.

Topo and Garth enter.

Topo
It’s happening?

Lori Lemaris
I’m not at liberty to –

Topo
Agent Lemaris, please spar –

Vulko enters from behind them.

Vulko
The declaration was given at 8 past the tide. Code name: Shipwreck Blue. A rescue team will cross the reef, retrieve personnel and destroy any proprietary technology.

Topo
Is there time for a release?

Vulko
We go live in an hour. He wants to address the people before he leaves.

Topo bolts out the door.

Garth
leaves for where?

Vulko
He’s leading the operation.

Garth
Does he know about Orm?

Vulko
Yea.

Garth
We have to extradite him.

Vulko
Why?

Lori Lemaris
Death penalty.

Vulko looks back at Lori and pauses.

Vulko
Perhaps Her Highness will draft a letter.

Garth is appalled, he exits.

INT. King’s Chamber – Moments Later

Arthur’s office is huge, filled with maps and books. He dresses in armor.

There’s a knock.

Arthur
Come in.

Garth enters.

Garth
Lord, if I may–

Arthur
Spit it out, Garth?

Garth
This is unnecessary.

Arthur
We’ll have to agree to disagree but, OK.

Garth
This is an overwhelming response.

Arthur
I don’t want to meet King Shark and his Axis of Awesome with just –

Garth
Why are you — excuse me, why are you going at all? It’s a rescue mission.

Arthur
As sovereign, I made a pledge to keep those soldiers safe.

Garth
You’re running away.

Arthur
Here we go.

Garth
A human court has your brother–

Arthur
He’s my brother but let’s not make this like he’s my brother.

Garth
It requires a political solution.

Arthur
He is a criminal.

Garth
They’ll kill him!

Arthur
He murdered my son!

Garth
The King is sworn to protect all Atlanteans not just the ones he deems worthy!

Arthur pauses, stops himself from shouting.

Arthur
You may go.

Garth
I –

Garth chokes back his emotion and straightens up.

Garth
As you wish, Your Majesty.

Garth exit.

Arthur dresses in armor.

End of Act Two

This all goes back just one year ago,
When Lil’ Jane cried for all to know -
Just what she thought of old Saint Nick:
“This Santa’s a liar, a fake and a fink!”

She ripped off his hat
And spit on the ground.
She made a big fuss
And a mob gathered round.

Santa was hurt, understandably so.
He left work early and rushed right home.
He fled up North to drown his woes
In 8 gallons of eggnog – he drank all alone.

He tossed and he turned
He moped and he shrugged
He sulked and he whined
He even mumbled “Humbug.”

“These children are spoiled, rotten and mean;
Cussing and Crying and Kicking and Screamin’.
They all hate Christmas and love Halloween!
They think I’m a phony my work goes unseen!”

He wringed his hands; gave his knuckles a crack.
He let out a cackle that echoed right back.
The elves were all frightened, confused and quivering.
These are the origins of Santa’s Naughty thinking…

The workshop was closed
The elves were kicked out
The stables were sold…
It was a Great Christmas Drought.

Parents were baffled.
Explanations were thin.
The President waffled.
World wide depression set in…

…

December 25^th came and went.
No presents arrived ’cause none were sent.
No carols, no turkey, no missal toe kisses.
St. Nick slept late and watched reruns with the misses.

If your stocking was empty you know who to blame.
Lil’ Jane lives at one-two-one Head-Shaker Lane.
Write her a letter; make it perfectly plain:
You believe in Santa Claus, she must be insane.

-Johnny Zito